because i havent had a personal post in awhile.
i dont understand how marriage can work. i mean, i guess that’s a lie. i see perfect examples of beautiful marriages all around me - my parents, grandparents, other relatives, friends, ….just a lot of examples. haha i guess i just don’t understand how marriage can work for me. I dont see myself being able to love one other person for so long. and if you’re my friend and you’re reading this, by this point, you’re completely surprised - because “Amanda has always been the hopeless romantic who gets along with almost everyone and loves love.” …true, but for other people. ive personally never loved one person for such a continual length of time. won’t i get annoyed with/bored of that person?
and never mind that….what about that person? won’t that guy get annoyed with me?? i’m stubborn, opinionated, annoying, and hide behind jokes when i feel uncomfortable. yup. i’ll own up to my major flaws. haha …so i have no clue how someone would wanna deal with that nonstop?? i dont even wanna deal with myself 24/7. lol.
this all came about because a very good friend of mine’s significant other is starting to contemplate the desire to get married and wanted to know my opinion on their relationship. first, i freaked out. then i realized it didn’t involve me having to commit to anybody. after that, i was actually able to provide sound advice on where i think my friend is in their relationship…and it’s weird for me to think about how much i want their marriage to happen because i think it’s right, but am still so scared of it for me. i wonder if this just stems to the fact that i’m so scared of making mistakes.
idk. and maybe this all just reflects the fact that i’m nowhere near ready to get married. and maybe when i am ready, the world will start to look different to me. people also say that when i’ve met the right person, i’ll be able to see the possibility of marriage. idk if that’s true. i’m not totally sure i believe there’s one “right” person for each person out there..but whatever. that’s another post and this one is already too long :) but the whole “one right person” notion is a nice thought. as a final note, i’m not opposed to the idea of marriage…eventually. just hardcore opposed to it right now. haha and if my mother/aunts ever read this, they would cry tears for the forever alone amanda. and if my father/uncles read this, they would do the happiest of dances and tell me i’m too busy for boys and theyre just distracting me from my focus…which is what they’ve been telling me since kindergarten :P hahaha
happy tuesday everyone :) …now back to write on -_-
“This isn’t fun. I want to be with boys.”
-my roommate, regarding write-on.
story. of. my. life.